September 13, 2005—Mr. President has told the nation: "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." With God's guidance, he spent almost a month at his Crawford ranch cultivating his tan and avoiding a crowd of campers.
When Hurricane Katrina slammed into the Gulf Coast, Mr. President was touring the West trying to rescue his sinking Social Security plan and hyping his war in Iraq. When questioned about the flooding of New Orleans, Mr. President offered these divinely inspired words: "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." Perhaps he misunderstands God on occasion.
Or maybe the Devil messes with the celestial switchboard. In that case, maybe Mr. President's imperial slogans and clichés are Lucifer's fault. We know that Mr. President believes that human beings are in an never-ending wrestling match with evil.
It must have been the Devil who declared "mission accomplished" on May 1, 2003, when Mr. President descended from the sky onto the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln. But if the mission is accomplished, why does he chant daily the mantra: "Stay the course"? The slogan means that we should continue our daily lives confident Mr. President will succeed in the "mission." But if the mission is already accomplished, why do we need to stay the course?
So if the mission is unfinished, what exactly is the mission? Is God telling the president that Americans should support his plan to convert Iraq into the regional hub for American capitalism? Or is the Devil messing with the president's hearing aid? Staying the course will ensure that the Halliburton wing of the president's "circle of trust" can wrap its tentacles around the Iraqi infrastructure and begin raking in huge profits from government contracts. Does that sound like advice from God or Lucifer?
Another compelling mantra repeated by Mr. President is that the constant death of young Americans is the sacrifice we must pay for our freedom. But who told him that Iraqis were threatening Americans' freedoms before March 20, 2003? This idea is so bizarre that only the Devil's persuasion can account for it.
To promote his policies, Mr. President habitually uses slang phrases that most Americans use only in jest. On July 3, 2003, he announced to the world that insurgents in Iraq "feel like the conditions are such that they can attack us there. My answer is, bring 'em on." Frankly, I doubt that this reckless boasting characterizes heavenly language. Unfortunately, anti-American terrorists from a dozen countries took the president's challenge literally and began pouring into Iraq. Mr. President created an ideal training ground for terrorists.
Mr. President's jingoistic slogans for his war conceal the fact that he has never clearly articulated a realistic mission. The authorized excuses for invading Iraq bounce around like hot-air balloons: WMD, catching the terrorists, eliminating Saddam, creating a democratic government, defeating the insurgents, defending Americans' freedoms, and the list of post hoc excuses continues ad nauseam. Grasping for an excuse to fight a war only supports the theory that Mr. President has been in contact with a "higher authority," but perhaps not the one he expected.
Advice from "higher authority" has left Mr. President unprepared for challenges here on earth. On August 11, Mr. President told reporters, "I sympathize with Mrs. Sheehan. . . . She has every right in the world to say what she believes. This is America." Translation? "I wake up every midnight soaked in sweat from a recurring nightmare. Some dizzy blonde is planting roadside political bombs at the gate of my ranch. When I wake up she's still there." So, Mr. President consulted a higher authority for counsel. From leaks at the Crawford ranch, we know what the Devil told him to say. But it is not fit language for family consumption.
God phoned Mr. President on Monday morning, August 29. But he was not in. Three days later, he told the American citizens that his job was "to defend this country and the war on terror, and . . . to bring aid and comfort to the people of the Gulf Coast." Americans resoundingly agreed. Then Mr. President added, "We've got plenty of resources to do both." He responded to criticism of FEMA director Michael Brown by praising him on national television: "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." Two days later, Brownie was sacked. For once, maybe God got through.
Mr. President claims that he is above challenge: "I'm the commander, see, I don't need to explain. I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." Now does that sound like the humility of Jesus, Mr. President's role model?
I wonder if the thousand families who have lost relatives in Iraq are satisfied that Mr. President does not "need to explain why I say things"? Or the citizens who used to be residents of New Orleans?
If I didn't know better, I'd say that Mr. President's celestial cell phone has been hijacked by Lucifer.
Tony Zurlo is a writer/educator living in Arlington, Texas. Currently, he teaches writing and African/Asian culture at Tarrant County College. He has also taught in schools in Nigeria, China, and many parts of the U.S. His op-eds, essays, and reviews have appeared in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, Democrats.US, OpEdNews, Peace Corps Writers, Writers Against War, and other journals and newspapers. He also has published nonfiction books on Vietnam, China, Hong Kong, Japan, Japanese Americans, West Africa, Algeria, and soon Syria. His poetry and short fiction have appeared in more than 65 journals, magazines, and anthologies .
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